“Courage gives us a voice and compassion gives us an ear. Without both, there is no opportunity for empathy and connection.”
Brené Brown, professor, and author of Dare to Lead
This quote by Brene’ Brown came to mind as I read an article which suggested leaders needed more EQ (emotional intelligence) than IQ to be successful.
The ability to be aware and read others’ emotions, including your own, can certainly help managers deliver more thoughtful and compassionate leadership. Brene’ would argue it’s a key skill of daring leadership, allowing us to lean into vulnerability and face difficult conversations to do excellent work.
The ability to interact with others is essential, to provoke a conversation, to listen and engage, and our approach makes all the difference as to whether this is successful or not.
If you’re CEO, an MD, or a line manager, it’s your approach which will set the ‘rules’ on how feelings should be displayed in the workplace.
For example, outspoken frustration and disappointment can be seen as acceptable among workers when you’ve just lost a client account, but would thumping the desk be deemed as aggressive?
And more worryingly, would you judge it differently if it were a woman doing it?
Studies have suggested an unconscious bias in how managers perceive displays of emotions, with angry women being regarded as emotional while men are seen as assertive, and black workers were seen as aggressive or threatening rather than passionate.
Which begs the question I posed at the start of this – what are your workplace ‘feeling rules’ and are they making your team not only self-censor, but are they also preventing them from doing their best work?
Why empathetic leadership breaks down ‘feeling rules’ and helps us achieve greater success
Once almost sniffed at and overlooked as a ‘soft skill’ empathy and empathetic leadership is now a hot topic within leadership forums and groups.
Expressing a genuine interest in the challenges your employees face – both personal and professional – is now a core competency. Without this level of understanding, how will you know what support people need and build the kind of relationships which engender greater staff retention, engagement, and productivity.
But this can be challenging, not least because holding the emotions of multiple people at the same time is almost impossible – and emotionally draining.
To be constructive, empathetic leadership must come with the skill to stand back, judge objectively and act compassionately. There must then be alignment between what you say and how you act as this builds trust, and it’s this sense of trust which breaks down feeling rules and begins to build a greater sense of commitment.
Can you teach someone to be empathetic?
Like a muscle, our sense of empathy becomes stronger the more we use it, and having some practical tools helps us to put it into practice.
Here are my top 3 tips which I share with my clients.
- Listen completely to people without offering advice and use open questions to help them find their own solution.
- Pay attention to what people are doing and catch them doing positive things with genuine praise.
- Be fully present in meetings with people, which means not checking emails, taking calls, or looking at your watch.
I support managers and business owners to think and reflect on how they lead people, and encourage them to examine their own EQ.
Individual coaching offers a safe and dedicated space free of judgement, to brainstorm ideas, and explore your thoughts, feelings, and solutions. If that sounds like something that would help you then please call me for an initial chat.
